Screw Edward
by FanGirlStomper
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella, she meets a new vampire named Dmitri. Only, Dmitri is an ACTUAL vampire with a hell of a lot more of common sense. Will Bella learn just how messed up her relationship with Edward was? Anti-twilighters, this is for you.
1. Chapter 1

Screw Edward

Chapter 1

The first he noticed about her was her eyes. They were dull brown and zombie-like. Dmitri didn't really like to study humans. In fact, he wanted to stay away from them all together. But his uncle, Armidon, forced him into high school for one year every four years. They moved from town to town, taking different names, always careful to cover their tracks. Dmitri was always enrolled for senior year, sometime junior year, in high school, and he even got the opportunity to go to college a few times. He would physically be 18 forever. Dmitri didn't care. He just wanted to find a way to either get out of life, or to make use of it. So far, 60 years hadn't done him any good.

Dmitri wasn't particularly handsome. Well, not by vampire standards. He had short light brown and burgundy eyes, with a somewhat pale complexion. He was tall and lean, and often walked with his shoulders slouched forward, back hunched a little, like a vulture searching for prey. He always wore a long brown overcoat and square-frame sunglasses. He never attempted to make friends. Nobody attempted to approach him. Everything was in perfect balance.

In all of his horribly wasted years at high school, Dmitri had never seen a girl like Bella Swan. He had been in her class for two months now, and he always saw that stupid blank look on her face. She looked positively empty. Dmitri sensed something about her was peculiar, but he took no notice. That is, until one class in November when he noticed her staring straight at him. Every time he glanced at her, her eyes were boring into his face. Dmitri grew agitated. _Why do some humans have to have such huge eyes? _

Dmitri had always thought of Bella as a space cadet, but today, he saw something behind her stare. She seemed to be interested in him. Dmitri didn't like that, for whenever a human tried to connect with him, his bloodlust would only heighten. Luckily, he would always satisfy this bloodlust with one of the thousands of blood bags back home.

The bell rang. Class was over. Dmitri put his notes back into his backpack and was just about to get up, when he saw the girl out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly, she started to walk towards him. Dmitri felt his mouth water and his fangs detract from his jaws. She reached out her hand and lightly touched his hand.

He recoiled his hand at once. He bit down hard, trying to keep his fangs from fully growing out. He glared up at space cadet with the large dull brown eyes and hissed.

"What the hell was that for?"

She leaned down and whispered softly into his ear.

"Do you know the Cullens?"

He got up quickly and snatched his backpack.

"Who the fuck are the Cullens? At least warn me before you try to talk to me."

He stormed out of the room. He clenched his jaw as he stalked out of the building and into his Chevy. He angrily drove out of the parking lot and down the road, going at 65 miles per hour. He opened the drawer compartment and got out a little tube filled with blood. It was one of his "emergency packs" as Armidon called. He sucked every drop out of the tube and tossed it back into the compartment.

_Who the hell is that girl?_ He thought. _What the hell does she want with me?_


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Dmitri stayed home the next day. The sun was shining bright that day.

_Good_ He thought to himself. _Now I won't have to deal with that weird human. _

That all soon changed with three knocks on his door.

He looked through the peephole of his large wooden door. He reeled in horror to see that girl standing at the doorway.

"May I come in?"

"How the hell did you know where I live? Are you some sort of stalker?"

"Look, I drove all this way to some creepy old mansion to ask some questions, and I'm not leaving until I get some answers."

Dmitri sighed and opened the door. When it was fully opened she came flying at him.

"AREYOUAVAMPIRE? AREYOUAVAMPIRE? AREYOUA-"

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!"

The girl calmed herself down and got away from Dmitri.

"I'm sorry. Are you a vampire?"

"What the hell gives you that idea?"

"Well, you look kind of hot. Also, your skin is pale and ice-cold. Wait! Let me take you out into the sunlight! Then I'll know for sure!"

She started to drag him by the arm. He recoiled his arm back and hissed violently.

"HELL NO! Do you want me to burn?!"

"A-ha! So you ARE a vampire- wait… Did you say burn?"

"Fine, you guessed right. I am a vampire. And in case you didn't remember, vampires BURN in the sun. They turn to DUST. Why the hell do you think I wear a fucking trench coat and a hat every day?!"

The girl only stood there dumbfounded for a moment.

"You don't… Sparkle… in the sun?"

Dmitri guffawed in disgust.

"Hell No! Whoever heard of a vampire that spar-"

Then he remembered. There was one kind of vampire that "sparkled". He growled in his head as he remembered the name that brought shame to hardcore vampires everywhere: Volturi.

Dmitri decided to calm down and deal with this situation like a gentleman.

"Look, I'm sorry that I yelled at you. It's just creepy when someone randomly comes to your house and accuses you of being a vampire. Now, what can you tell me about these "sparkling" vampires?"

"That's why I came here. I wanted to see if you were one. And guessing by your reaction, I guess you're not. Could you please tell me what the hell you are?"

Dmitri frowned and looked outside. His uncle wasn't home yet. He sighed and said,

"All right. You can come in. Just at least tell me your name first so I know who I'm dealing with."

"Bella Swan."

"Dmitri Evangel. Try not annoy me too much, I may just have to kill you."

He let in her to his mansion. He led her to his large living room. They sat on the old Baroque style couch.

"All right, who are these "Cullens" you speak of?"

"They're a family of vampires, just like you. Well, except for the fact that they are at least 100 times friendlier, hotter, and they're vegetarians. Five of them went to our school, remember?"

A low growl rumbled in Dmitri's throat.

"Damn. I was right. They're Volturians."

"Um… What?"

Dmitri glared at Bella, anger coursing through his veins.

"Volturians. They're a different breed of vampire altogether. We call them "Glitter-skins" for short. They think they're so special just because they have the "beauty complex". Volturians use this beauty to attract their prey, and they somehow have immunity to sunlight. Beauty's kind of a common thing with vampires, but Volturians are simply rare genetic mutations in the vampire line- the black sheep, if I must say."

"So the Cullens are an entirely different breed of vampires?"

"I don't even really consider them vampires! _I_ am an ORIGINAL VAMPIRE. The Glitter-skins are considered the "evolution of vampires". They've taken over most of the world now, outnumbering us originals. But all they can really do is dazzle everyone with their sparkling skin! THEY ARE DISGRACES! They make me sick to my stomach every time I think about them."

Bella seemed to be defensive.

"Hey! I think the Cullens are nice people! Sure, other vampires eat humans and stuff, but they're vegetarians! And as for the sparkling skin, I _like_ that! It makes Edward so much hotter-"

"Wait. Who's Edward?"

Bella stood frozen. Then she started bawling. She clutched her chest and curled up in a ball, wailing. Dmitri found himself reeling in disgust.

"Please don't do that on the couch. This is a very old couch, I don't want it to be stained with tears."

She wouldn't stop crying for five minutes. Dmitri groaned and said,

"Look, if you want to leave-"

"NO! Wait! I'm sorry, it's just that… Edward was a Cullen… I loved him…. And then he l- and the he lef- and then he l-l-left… GAAAAAAAH!"

She was back to wailing.

Dmitri felt his annoyance grow stronger than his bloodlust. Still, he had to find a way to calm her down and take her home before he lost control.

"So you loved a glitter-skin, huh?"

"M-hm…"

"And so far he hasn't tried to suck your blood once?"

"N-no. He l-l-loves me too much…"

"…What kind of bullshit is that?"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"Are you saying… my l-love for E-E-Edward is… b-b-b-bullshit?"

"YES. A vampire can't really fall in love with a human! Some vampires do that for kicks! He was probably just jerking you around, trust me."

Bella was silent for a moment. Then she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY MY LOVE FOR EDWARD IS BULLSHIT! HE LOVED ME! HE SAID HE DIDN'T BUT I KNOW HE DID! HE CAN'T LEAVE ME! WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER! IT WAS TRUE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVE!"

She started to wail uncontrollably. By know Dmitri was seriously annoyed.

"LOOK! I'm a vampire, not a therapist. But I'm pretty damn sure that glitter-skin didn't love you."

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"Because all glitter-skins are shallow, self absorbed wannabe vampires who believe in love at first sight. They're just like some crazy humans!"

"He loved me… I know it… He told me I was beautiful…"

Dmitri gave a long groaning sigh. He didn't want to deal with this. Not now. Still, he might as well convince the girl what was wrong with her.

"Did he like your scent?"

"…How did you know that?"

"To vampires, love is often based on instinct, like animals. If a potential mate smells good, then we go in for the kill. He probably likes your scent and thinks you're simply appetizing. Maybe the only reason he hasn't killed you yet is because the scent intoxicates him too much he can't bear to be without it. Am I right, or am I wrong?"

"… He does like my scent, that's true. Also, he says he really wants to have my blood. BUT HE CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO BITE ME, AND HE DOES WHATEVER HE CAN TO PROTECT ME! AND HE THINKS I'M BEAUTIFUL!"

"Why are you so defensive of him?"

"Because I love him, and I… I can't live without him…"

She couldn't live without some glitter-skin pretty boy? Dmitri had to find out exactly what was wrong with this girl.

"Why do you love him?"

"Well, he's just so… beautiful! He has perfectly hard granite diamond skin, and a luscious velvety voice and wonderful bronzed hair and liquid topaz eyes and…"

She went on for five minutes describing Edward's looks. Dmitri decided to bear it until she got into detail about his incredible crooked smile for the fifth time in a row.

"OKAY. I think I've heard enough. Let me ask you something. Do you like ANYTHING besides his beauty?"

"Well, he's very protective of me, and he plays songs for me, and-"

"Wait. What do you mean by 'protective'?"

"He's always there to protect me from bad guys, and he likes to watch me sleep at night."

Dmitri sat dumbfounded for a couple of seconds.

"Lady… that's the definition of a stalker. No, even worse. That's the definition of a predator stalking his prey. I honestly don't know what you see in him."

Bella was just about to speak up before Dmitri cut her off.

"BESIDES HIS GOD-DAMN BEAUTY."

Bella was silent for a moment.

"He… wrote a song for me…"

"With words?"

"…No, a piano piece."

"A piano piece? A fucking piano piece? Lady, I think this "love" of yours is pure lust. You're only into his looks, and that's just about it. There's NOTHING else! And he only likes you because he likes your scent-"

"AND HE CAN'T READ MY MIND!"

Dmitri finally lost it.

"Oh, and that makes you dear to him? Lady, to be honest, there is nothing that special about you! Sure you have an interesting scent, but what about your personality? YOUR INTELLECT? You're stupid enough to think that lust is true love, when in fact; your love for him is as shallow as his angsty personality! The guy dumped you, and you're still craving him like I crave blood! How would you have lived your life with him?"

"… I was going to be a vampire with him."

"YOU WANT TO BE A FUCKING VAMPIRE? You ARE stupid! Let me guess, you're also planning on skipping college and just spending the rest of your days eighteen forever? God, what a stupid child!"

Bella started bawling again. Dmitri realized what he had done. He calmed himself down and gained back his self-control.

"Look, I'm sorry if I'm yelling too loud. I don't know why I feel so passionately angry with this, but it just bothers to hell. I can't believe how idiotic the human race has become. In fact, I can't believe how stupid Volturians have become."

"W-w-what makes y-you th-th-think you're b-better than th-them?"

Dmitri paused. He looked outside the window. It was sunset now. _Damn, how did it get so late? I better end this soon._

He looked back at Bella and gave a menacing smile.

"I'll show you."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

He grabbed her by the arm and raced out of the house, carefully avoiding patches of sunlight. He made his way under a large oak tree.

"Here's what real vampires can do."

He closed his eyes and breathed in the night air. He felt the fall breeze wrap around him like silk, and he outstretched his arms to run it through his fingers. As the sun finally set, he felt new strength pulse through his veins. He felt his muscles lengthen and enlarge. His fingers grew longer, and became webbed with leather. His fangs grew out as his ears grew pointed. When he finished, his opened his blood-red eyes hoping to see the girl's terrified face. He had become a bat-like creature right before her eyes, but her reaction was different from what he had expected.

"That's it?"

He felt his menacing smile falter.

"What do you mean 'that's it'? I've just transformed into my bat form! Well, my half-bat form, but a form nothing less!"

"Yeah, I do admit that is cool. But can you sparkle?"

Dmitri growled in fury. He clutched her arm and threw her onto his back.

"Trust me, this is better than sparkles."

He started running out into an open field. As he ran, he flapped his newly formed bat wings to gain wind. He started hovering over the ground, and soon he took off in full flight.

The night air whistled around them, and Bella was screaming at the top of her lungs. He hated that sound, but he loved the fact he was proving how glorious true vampires were. He looped around a few times in the air, then he flew upside down and let the girl fall from his back. As she fell, she screamed bloody murder. At the last second he swooped down and caught her in his arms. He landed in a tall pine tree and set her down on a branch.

"YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH!"

"I was just having a little fun. Being cramped in my mansion, playing therapist can get so boring. I just needed to spread my wings and scare you straight."

He quickly wrapped his legs onto a sturdy branch. He hung upside down and crossed his arms. Bella took notice of this animalistic behavior.

"So you are more bat-like than the gl- I mean the Volturians?"

"Of course! Vampirism started from bats and will always come back to bats. At least, that's the way it should be. Believe the stereotypes; most of them are true."

"Do you sleep in a coffin."

"No, that's a stereotype."

"Wait, I'm confused. You said you drink human blood, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you murder innocent human beings every night?"

Dmitri gave a haughty laugh. He opened his arms and got off the branch.

"First of all, I hardly call humans 'innocent'. Second, I get my blood from any local hospital blood bank I can find. Sometimes I hunt once in a while, but only if I'm in need of a thrill. Tonight, I'm pretty calm, so no need to worry."

Bella was glaring up at him, a look of outrage on her face.

"You're a horrible person! At least Edward drank animal blood instead of human blood."

"Vegetarians are wimps if you ask me. To be a vegetarian vampire is to be a disgrace. Besides, there are some bad people out there, and human blood gives us power to do things like this, flying and whatnot."

"Edward has powers too! He can read mi-"

"YES. I know he can read minds. I have super strength, super speed, invulnerability, enhanced senses, elemental powers, the ability to control weather, the ability to control animals, the ability to shape shift, and let's not forget, and immortality. I could probably tear Edward apart with my own hands right now if he dare show his glittery face."

Bella was silent for a moment. Then she asked very quietly,

"Can you show me some of your powers?"

Dmitri was taken aback by this remark. He didn't know the girl actually wanted to see what he could do. He grinned and grabbed Bella around the waist. He brought her down to the ground. He sensed a mountain lion around somewhere. He mentally called to it, slowly gaining control of its mind. The mountain lion came out from bushes.

It looked very feral and very vicious. Once Dmitri got full control of its mind, he casually stepped away from Bella. He called to the mountain lion.

"Go ahead, pounce on her."

The mountain lion was preparing to spring, it's eyes bloodthirsty. Bella was too scared to move. When the lion sprang, she screamed.

"EDWARD! SAVE ME!"

Before the lion went for her throat, Dmitri snapped another command.

"Stop!"

The lion veered away from Bella and landed right next to her. It wouldn't budge. Dmitri smiled as he watched Bella hyperventilate.

"You didn't really think I would kill you, did you? You're just too fun to terrify. Go kitty, go find somewhere else to play."

The mountain lion nonchalantly walked away from them into the forest.

He suddenly heard a low menacing growl. He turned towards the bushes to see a man walking out of them. A vampire, obviously. The vampire had pale skin, bronzed hair and coal black eyes. He snarled at Dmitri with passionate anger. Suddenly, Bella shouted.

"EDWARD!"

Edward didn't pay attention to Bella. He instead glared at Dmitri.

"That was my meal you let escape."

Dmitri gave an evil smirk.

"Ah, so you must be Edward. Bella's told me too much about you. Shouldn't you be gone somewhere else right now?"

Bella, who was at first smiling with joy of Edward's return, suddenly had a look of anger on her face.

"Yeah. Shouldn't you be somewhere else, FAR AWAY?"

Edward was at loss for words.

Dmitri grinned. Busted.

Bella slowly got up and walked towards Edward.

"You said you didn't really love me, and that you would leave somewhere far away, yet here you are, hunting! And what's more, you seemed to be more concerned about a fucking mountain lion then me!"

"Bella… I didn't know it was y-"

"You knew damn well it was me! I guess my scent was easily overpowered by the scent of a god-damn mountain lion."

Edward was trying to back up, but he knew he was pretty much cornered.

"Bella, I can explain…"

"Dmitri was right. You ARE only in it for the goddamn kill! You don't love me at all, do you? You only liked me for my scent, and the minute you smelled dinner, you forgot I was there!"

"Bella, you know I lose myself to instincts when I'm hunting-"

"Well, then why aren't you biting me right now? Is it because you're bored of my scent and you need a new prey to play with?"

Dmitri was amused. She had finally gotten the message.

She was up in Edward's face now.

"Your full of shit, you know that? I can't believe what an idiot I was to love a goddamn pussy like you! I HATE YOU EDWARD CULLEN! YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN SPARKLES!"

Dmitri was very pleased with himself at that moment.

Suddenly, Edward clasped Bella's hands.

"Bella, I love you more than anything. It's true, I was an idiot. I can't believe I forgot a scent as beautiful as yours. I promise you, I'll never leave you again."

He embraced her gently, kissing her head profusely. Bella made no resistance, and instead wrapped her arms around Edward's perfectly chiseled torso.

"I knew you really loved me. After all, we were meant to be together."

Dmitri gave out a long agonizing cry.

They both looked at Dmitri, who by now was staring at them with a crazy wild look on his face.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I just spent most of my day playing therapist and motivational speaker for this stupid bitch, and she takes you back just like that? JUST LIKE THAT?!!?!?"

He pulled back the webbing of his wings and let his arms grow incredibly muscular.

His fingers became claws sharper than swords, and his skin hardened to the point one could compare it to stone.

"You know what, SCREW THIS! I've had enough bullshit about glitterskins like you!"

He leaped onto Edward and gripped his head in his clawed hands. He twisted it to the side, hearing that fatal crack of his spine. He tore off Edward's head and tossed it aside. With his elemental powers he started a fire on the ground. He tossed the head and the body into the raging bonfire.

As he felt pride and triumph course through his veins, he felt a hand touch his arm ever so gently. He looked down to see the pitiful girl's face, not filled with tears, but with a too-wide smile and crazy eyes.

"Bite me…"

Dmitri was aghast, taken aback by this weird remark.

"…What?"

She pulled herself up to his face.

"Bite me! You are the COOLEST vampire I've ever seen! You are actually kind of hot, you can live forever, and best of all, you actually beat EDWARD! I can't believe how fast and how strong you were; he didn't even have time to defend himself!"

"I can't believe this is happening…"

"I want to be like you, Dmitri. I want to be young and immortal forever, with all those cool powers! You'll bite me, right? I'll promise you all the love I have!"

He stood silently for a moment. Then he gave a menacing grin.

"All right, Miss Swan. I'll bite you."

He swooped her into his arms, exposing her neck to his face. He leaned in and kissed her throat before snarling.

"… I'll bite you like a FUCKING APPLE!"

He chomped down his huge jaws around her neck, his fangs sinking deep into her throat. She could only gasp and sputter as he drained her of her blood. Within moments, she was a lifeless shell of what she used to be. When Dmitri felt the blood flow go dry, he released his jaws. He layed her gently onto the ground and licked the blood off his lips.

He smirked as felt relief surge through his body. He got out his cell phone and called his uncle.

"Uncle Armidon?"

"Dmitri! Where the hell are you! Are you out hunting again?"

"Actually, yes. I just roasted a glitterskin, and feasted on his poor, misguided mortal mate. She tasted delicious. Unfortunately, I think it's wise we leave town as soon as possible. The police chief might go insane after seeing this sight."

"We have to move again? God, can't you stay in a town for one week without feasting on one innocent girl?"

"Trust me. This one was a special case.

He heard his uncle sigh over the phone.

"All right, I'll pack our bags. Where do you think we should go next?"

"Seattle, perhaps. I hear the weather there is simply lovely for us."

THE END


End file.
